I’ve been thinking a lot about balance lately. We hear that term thrown around a lot these days. How do you balance it all? How do you do it all? How are you able to run a website, go to a job, raise two kids, and still look so put together? Well, the answer to all these questions is I don’t. I truly don’t have balance in my life and I don’t think anybody does.
You know the saying, there aren’t enough hours in the day? Well it’s true, there aren’t. For anybody to have balance, somehow they have to create more than 24 hours in a day. And that’s my take on it. When I’m totally focused on my kids and a All-Star mom, my work suffers. I post less on Instagram, I write less blogs, I connect with all of you less, and I suffer personally. Why is that? Because I LOVE my work. Creating my blogs and connecting with all of you about all sorts of things. It gives me a sense of purpose and community. I’ve been pretty open about this before and told you guys that I don’t have that many super close friends. I have a ton of acquaintances and girlfriends that I hang out with here and there. But truly I have only a few that I’m super close with and see all the time. And they’re busy moms themselves! So sometimes when I need to talk something through, I come to you guys and I’m so grateful for that. So I don’t wanna give that up and I shouldn’t have to just because I’m a mom. Does that make me less of a parent? Absolutely not! But when I’m working on my blog and capturing photos for it and connecting with all of you – The truth is it takes time away from my kids and my husband. But that’s life. And that’s OK. I find ways to make up for it.
1. MY TOP | 2. JEANS | 3. MOLLY’S TOP | 4. RUG
In the last two weeks I think I’ve written 4 blogs. I used to write one every single day. And that’s because for the last couple weeks I’ve been really focused on my family. They come first and my work has had to suffer. And that’s also OK. I feel like it’s a constant juggling act where you give a little time to one thing and take a little bit of time from something else.
And then there are some weeks where I get four or even five blog post up in a week. And during those weeks I don’t spend as much time with my kids. during those busy work weeks, I become an expert multitasker. I usually put Molly in her learning tower with some crayons or her letter board and then stick Riley in his highchair with some snacks and hope it keeps them occupied long enough so I can answer a few emails. Or gasp, so I can get a photo up on Instagram or respond to some comments from you guys. Does it make me a bad mom that I try to distract my kids so I can get on Instagram? No it doesn’t. Whether you’re getting on Instagram for a minute for some brainless scrolling to distress or if you’re getting a Instagram to connect with people you care about. If you’re taking a few minutes to do it, that’s OK. Oh and I’ve totally put on the TV or given Molly an iPad in this exact situation. No shame here!
Side note: We got Molly this this insane crayon/marker set for her birthday and she’s going to lose her mind when she sees it. I got her a smaller version of this last year and she’ll literally spend hours taking each one out of a slot and putting them all back where they belong. We are getting another set since those markers started drying up. And yes, I definitely plan on pulling this out when I need her to stay occupied for hours so I can work. And FYI, my top in the below pic is only $12!!!!
1. MY TOP | 2. LEARNING TOWER | 3. HIGHCHAIR | 4. CRAYON/MARKER SET
My time with my husband has also been on the back burner recently. Between both of us working and juggling our careers and raising two kids, our love life has suffered. I know I’m not the only one out there. But we know this is just a season in our lives and that the time is coming that we will be able to focus more on us again. And that time is coming soon! I’m not willing to put us on the back burner for too long. We keep daydreaming about the day Riley turns two and will actually feel comfortable enough leaving him and Molly for a long weekend to jet down to Mexico for a romantic getaway. Seriously I get giddy just thinking about it! The idea of laying on a beach with a cocktail in my hand and my husband by my side without a care in the world sounds like… well, a dream!!!! Almost like it’s not even possible. It will be THAT good!
And spending time with our extended family has suffered recently. Kevin and I used to hop on a plane to head to see our parents and siblings all the time. But the idea of getting on a plane with a two-year-old and one-year-old is quite frankly my version of hell. Ha! We could technically keep Molly entertained with an iPad for the six hour flight. But anyone who’s had a one-year-old knows that it is impossible to keep them in one place. So, we aren’t gonna be traveling to see family this year which is a bummer, but we know is appropriate for this time in our lives.
1. MY TOP | 2. JEANS | 3. MOLLY’S TOP | 4. RUG
Let me get back to that word, balance. It just doesn’t exist. And for anyone out there to suggest that it does is honestly a huge disservice to women in my opinion. Maybe you’re not a mom, and you’re a 25-year-old young woman who is trying to find her career path in way in this world. Some days you’ll have to put your friends on the back burner and miss happy hour on a Friday because you’ve decided that you want to make fitness a priority. You’d love to be able to go out with your friends and make your cycling class. But somethings got to give. Maybe you’re a stay at home mom with three kids. And you’d give just about anything for a few hours to yourself to read a book while laying next to a pool drinking a frozen cocktail – I feel you by the way, mama – but, you don’t have anyone to watch your kids and with everything on your plate at home that’s just not a possibility at the moment. By the way, if you are stay at home mom reading this, let me just tell you now that you are my hero! I truly with all of my heart believe there is no harder job in the world. Point is in all of this that if we had balance we would have it all. And nobody, I mean absolutely nobody, has it all.
1. MY TOP | 2. LEARNING TOWER | 3. HIGHCHAIR | 4. CRAYON/MARKER SET
Anyway, the reason I want to write this blog today is that lately I felt like we as women are made to feel like we should do it all. A woman should keep a clean house, while taking care of the kids, having sex with her husband, while having like a size 4 figure and perfectly groomed hair. Not happening, right ladies?! So as you scroll through Instagram today or read a magazine, just know that not ONE of those women you’re looking at who seems like they have it all, actually has it all. None of us have balance. None of us are perfect. We’re all just doing our best. Just wanted to write all this down in case anybody out there needed to hear that today. Love you guys!
1. MY TOP | 2. JEANS | 3. MOLLY’S TOP | 4. RUG
80 thoughts on “Balance? It Doesn’t Exist”
Thank you for this post! This is a fresh perspective on trying to “have it all”. Maybe we just have to accept that sometimes, we can only do the best we can! 🙂
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
Nobody has it all. That, I am sure of.
Oh Ali, I sooo needed this more than you know! I just returned back to work from maternity leave last week and ensuring I find that balance to spend time with my daughter, my husband, maintain the house and keep up with laundry and be productive at work has been something that has weighed heavily on my mind lately. Not a day goes by where I don’t feel guilty for not giving enough time to one of those things I mentioned above. It is SO hard, but we push through it because we have to. Moms truly can do it all. 🙂
I am so glad I wrote it then! Going back to work after maternity leave was SO needed for me but I am lucky that I work mostly from home and only out of the house 1-2 days a week. I image going back 5 days a week would be super hard! Hang in there my friend!
I also work from home full time with a 1 year old baby and it is hard!!! It’s impossible to balance it all everyday single day! And I just had my first girls weekend away from my husband and baby. It was the best weekend ever! I finally got to sleep in and rest by the pool! I love reading your blogs, it made me feel better knowing I am not the only one struggling this balance life!
Ali, I love you and your blog! So needed this and appreciate this 🙂 It is so true, and the mom guilt is real (especially for moms who work also). This was such a helpful reminder to put things in perspective and not be so hard on ourselves, either! Thank you! <3
Thank you for reading. I am always hard on myself so I try to remember that I’m not alone.
Thank you, Ali! Being a mom can be soo hard! Also, thank you for your kind words about stay at home moms. I’m a stay at home mom to 2 children (actually the exact ages of your two..girl & boy too!) and it definitely is so exhausting, and I have trouble finding balance for everything you said! It’s nice to know we moms are all in this together!
I feel like finding balance is EVEN HARDER for a SAHM.
As a stay at home mom to two kiddos (just a few months older than both of yours), it’s so refreshing to read your posts and feel a little less alone on how I’m feeling, thinking, or the phases I’m going through with the babies (like tantrums or a bad sleep phase) etc. Thanks for always keeping it real💗
Riley is going through a phase of ALWAYS wanting to be held and waking up at 5am. I try to remind myself that this is just a season and I’ll miss it when it’s gone
I so appreciate you writing about this! You’re doing a great job, Ali! Desire to always be doing better is part of what makes us great parents. Our son is 13 months and I feel like it’s taken me that long to lower expectations of myself when it comes to doing it all. I’m trying to balance taking care of myself and spending quality time with my family. That looks a little different every day and we’re figuring it out together!
Thank you! You too! We can’t expect perfection from ourselves. But we all can do our best!
So much love for you for writing this article and being so real and vulnerable with your motherhood journey. You are loved and appreciated by me and all your other fellow mamas.
Thank you for the support, Edith! xo
Ahh, love this!
I’m currently a full-time SAHM while working usually 42 hours a week. Yep! I’m a bit crazy, but I couldn’t imagine anyone else raising my son and well, I love my work. It means REALLY early mornings and being busy every second of the day. My husband has a busy career and also has school. We’re lucky that our son sleeps a solid chunk of time 7pm – 7am, so that my husband and I can spend a couple hours just the two of us a few nights a week. We try to make sure and spend time on the weekends unplugged and connected.
But as you said, something has to give and that would be family, friendships and running. I don’t see my friends nearly enough, but thankfully, they give me grace and love me anyways. I skip family parties and get togethers because sometimes I just need time alone or with my immediate family. Running has fallen to the back burner, but I still enjoy it when I can. I was going to run a race over Labor Day, but decided just today to do one at the end of October instead.
Wow! Great job, Ashley! You are a rockstar!!! I hope you get to do your race in October and can get back into running! Working out has been so important for me as of late. I feel like a new woman!
I coach women and I tell them this all the time…there is no such thing as “having it all”. You have parts…great work life, great home life…but the juggle is real. 😂
Also my husband was NEVER asked if how he balanced it all!
Right!? Husbands are just expected to show up at home to everything already tended to! ha!
Thank you for being so real and honest about this topic. I try to tell myself it is okay to let something get put on the back burner but it is so hard! I think the most important thing to remember is that whatever is being pushed aside today, needs to be made a priority tomorrow (or another day soon haha)
I also want to say that I have been watching your Instagram stories lately and I really appreciate you showing your kids when they are whining/upset as well as when they are happy and playing. Instagram can be such a highlight reel and it’s hard to remember that you aren’t the only one dealing with tantrums in between all of the fun times with your kiddos.
Hi Michelle! Thank you so much! I truly try to show my real life day to day! It’s just not realistic that kids are always happy! Ha!
Well said and I so agree. When I was a single mom of three little ones, working a full time job and maintaining a house, I know I did not have balance and you’re right. Sometimes I was the best mom ever, sometimes I worked harder on my career and my kids ate Pop Tarts and hot dogs for days, and sometimes my house was clean but my kiddos were playing Atari probably too long. (Can you tell I’m older, haha?). I always said that what needed done at the time is what I did. Friend time was nonexistent and I never watched the latest TV show that everyone talked about. But it was all ok. My kiddos survived and are all married with their own kids. And I tell them the same thing. Focus on what is most important at any particular time. The rest will all fall into place. And you know what my kids remember most? That we always ate dinner together…..didn’t matter what it was…..and that I was always at all their events. Because if they had an event, that was most important thing at the time.
What an amazing mom you were, Jackie! And doing it all alone! You are incredible! I love that they remember eating dinner together, that is so sweet.
Just like so many woman, I needed to hear this, today especially. I have a 19 month old daughter, a full time job, a husband and what seems like very little time to myself. I have put an insane amount of pressure on myself trying to find this “balance” people speak about, and its so disheartening when I fail. This post was raw and honest, and I wish more woman were as honest as you, so the rest of us dont feel like we barely hanging on haha. So thank you, I loved this post! Your just too lovely for words!
Thank you, Christal! I am so glad that I was able to help you too. Sometimes we feel so alone in this, and like we are the only ones going through it. But just look how many women are going through the exact same thing as us! We’ve got this!!!
Thanks so much for this, I’m at home with my kids (3 and 1 y/o) and even though I wouldn’t change any of it, it gets overwhelming a lot of times, reading your post actually made me cry, it made me feel that i’m not alone, and that it’s ok… so thank you!
Oh Vanessa! You are not alone and we are all here for you! Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with us. Parenting is tough!!!! And we are all just doing our best. Hang in there friend! xo
You are speaking right from my brain! This is my life to a T! It is so hard for me to keep up with everything that it stresses me out quite a bit. I try to make everyone happy by taking care of work, the house, the laundry, my 1 and 2 year old kids, my husband, etc that I ALWAYS forget to take care of myself. Like I don’t deserve to take care of myself because I should be spending all my time taking care of all these other people and things. And you’re so right that there’s no such thing as balance. It is the giving and taking of time but it’s so hard and I always feel guilty when something is on the back burner. But often remind myself I am doing the best I can. Thanks for your great blogs that I can relate to A LOT! Reminds me that I’m not the only one feeling these feelings!
I relate with what you said, “Like I don’t deserve to take care of myself because I should be spending all my time taking care of all these the people and things.” I feel like that quite often. If I do take a little time for myself, I feel guilty. If there’s a quiet moment when the kids are napping I feel the need to be doing something, cleaning, cooking, organizing, etc. I think we’re all doing the best that we can.
So so true! Even the COO of FB wrote a book about this called Lean In. No one can do it all and if they say they can they’re lying! You can try to do it all, but something has to give. Something is bound to fall through the cracks. Something will be sacrificed. We have to prioritize the most important things and let the other stuff go. We have to ask ourselves, “what’s REALLY matters?” Great post, Ali! 💕😊
Sheryl Sandberg is Ali’s “mentor” or so she says. I’m pretty sure it’s where she got the idea for the blog post. It’s definitely not an original idea. I still think Ali has it way better than most people, with a nanny and a husband that does way more than 50% of the work.
Agreed! Twins who are 2. Another baby who just turned one. A full time job and a husband. Something always suffers, but boils down to priorities and choices. Thank you for writing this.
I couldn’t agree more!!
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for the hands down, most real thing I have read in a long time. This working mama needed to hear that I’m not doing something “wrong” because I can’t seem to get ALL the balls in the air at once. I appreciate you for keeping it real!
This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I can’t even tell you. From a mom of two littles, thank you!
Ali -Thanks for this great post.
As a stay at home mom I feel like I’m struggling more and more to get things done and take care of the kids. You are so fortunate to be able to leave your kids with someone so you and Kevin can escape. I still haven’t figured out how to “escape” or do a girls weekend. I struggle everyday with TV, computer or iPad use for the kids but sometimes I need it.
I see that you use the term suffer in your post. I don’t think you should think of your work as suffering because you are focusing on your family and you’re right, your kids are your priority. Your followers are not going to leave you because you post less stories on your site or less photos on Instagram. They understand you have other things to do. There will always be some kind of work to do and sometimes it’s ok for you to push it aside and do it later. I hope I can return to work someday, even if it’s just part time.
OMG, Ali! The line you wrote that says “having sex with her husband” made me laugh! The husband’s should be happy that we’ve given them children. Just let us sleep now!
I often wonder how it was 50+ years ago when women were just expected to take care of the house and kids (still a lot of work, that alone!). I feel like women these days are expected to do everything a man does, get a higher education, take care of the house, take care of the kids, and look beautiful while doing it all.
Being a mom of two littles (ages 2 & 4) I agree balance does not exist! Something has to suffer, but now that my oldest is 4 I’m realizing the things that are most important and letting the less important things suffer. Just having that kind of realization has given my life a little more balance. You CAN’T do it all but you can get better about the things you want to do!
Good post Ali, more mom’s need to be told, “It’s okay, you’ll get through this. We’re all going through this too! Props to all the Moms!
I think it’s a bit unfair to say men don’t struggle with finding balance too. A lot of men are the only income so that the mom’s who do want to stay home can be with the kids. Do you not think they’d like to be with their kids more? I just think most men don’t feel the need to talk about it.
Oh Ali!!!!! It’s so true! I try so hard to balance everything, between a toddler and teaching Kindergarten it’s enough to drive you crazy some days. I really want my house to be cleaned, but here I am on the porch taking a minute. I love my sweet girl but mom needs a break. That’s why next month I’m doing it. You are an inspiration your kids are so happy I hope I’m doing good at this mom thing.
I could not agree more! I’m a working mom as well and have said for years that balance does not exist! Everyone always looks at me like I’m crazy. But it’s true. You just have to know what season you’re in and do the best you can.
Needed this today more than you will ever know!
Thank you Ali!
I rarely comment on you blog; not that I don’t have an opinion, I just enjoy reading your perspective on things and others who comment on your blog. But I just have to chime in here since I am one of your “seasoned” followers, and approaching the age that I’ll be retiring soon.
There is absolutely no one who can do it all, all of the time! I wish the saying “you can have it all” were true but at least for me that was never the case. Reality is, that someone/something always has to take a back seat at one point in time. I have three children, a husband, and a career. And I was continually trying to balance it all (and beating myself up if things didn’t always go perfectly).
Ali, I wish my younger self were given the advice and outlook that you gave in this post! My children are all grown and on their own, and I’ve been happily married for 32 years. I have also been pretty lucky and content in my career, so I guess I did okay. I just wish that I would have relaxed a bit more and didn’t get so upset when things weren’t always perfect or went the way I intended (or unrealistically thought they should of). My advice to you, and those of you with young families who are trying to establish goals and careers….just slow down and don’t sweat it when things don’t always go as planned. You’re gonna be fine! If you’re children/spouse know you love them and understand you did the best you could, they will thank you for being the awesome person you are someday 😉. Enjoy life because it really does goes by so darn quickly!!!
Great advice Julie! While I am only in my 30’s and my kids are just toddlers I also have learned to relax. Before I had kids everything had to be perfect (type A personality here). After having my 1st child, I was driving myself crazy to keep things perfect so I started to let go a little. Then after having my 2nd child I realized nothing will ever be perfect again! But I’ve come to terms with that. Now knowing that I’m doing my best is my new perfect and I enjoy this more easy going life of simple birthday party’s, kids wearing their pajamas all day long, and playing at the park for a couple hours instead of making toddlers sit still on a couch to visit with people just because that’s what you’re supposed to do. You’re right, Enjoy Life! Don’t make your life unenjoyable because it does go by so quickly!
Awww….thanks for sharing your wise words. As a young professional, it is so difficult to keep it all together and raise a child. Enjoy your retirement when the time comes!
Hi Julie!! Thank you so much for the insight and taking the time to comment on my blog. Such heartfelt, wise words! I truly hope women reading this will take it to heart and stop giving themselves such a hard time if things don’t go perfectly! I promise I will do my very best to try not to sweat the small stuff! Thanks again for sharing your experience with us! And goodluck on your future retirement!
I appreciate how authentic and honest you are – not just in sharing your thoughts and experiences about balance (and the myth of “having it all”) – but in every post you write. I have struggled with many of the things you mention in this post! It reminds me of the part in Michelle Obama’s book, Becoming, when she also addresses the myth of having it all. I find you and Michelle so inspiring and relatable! Thank you for being you!
I love reading your blog and truly appreciate the sheer honesty you deliver to your followers. This one struck me because we hear the word “balance” almost as if it’s synonymous to “having it all”. I actually think those are 2 different things. “Having it all” and “doing it all” are societal pressures we, as women, put on ourselves. Whether that’s through social media, conversing with each other, or simply by observing and interpreting others whom we perceive as having it all. But balance is something different. Balance is saying no to all things at different points in our day, week, month, or even our lives. Balance is knowing that turning our attention away from our children to pursue another personal interest isn’t “wrong”. It just simply means we are putting attention to different aspects of our lives that make us who we are. If you look at it that way, you’re killing it! It took me a long time to reach this point in my life where I can reflect on “balance” and define it in a little different way. My 3 children are young adults and teenagers. As I look back, I see that I tried to make it seem like I “had it all” but really I should have strived for “balance”. Saying “no” should have come more freely. This would have allowed more balance. Because I think it kind of does exist…if you allow yourself to release some of the pressure of trying to make it feel like you have it all. Much love!
Thank you Ali for this post. I’m a student pursuing a career as an educator. I’m in my final year and have an 11 month old babygirl. Today, I had to postpone a teaching credential meeting because I didn’t have a babysitter. My husband works 54 hours a week and is barely home. It’s just us, but today I felt as if my education is suffering. I’m so close to graduate, but with my babygirl it feels so far. I love her so much and want to have a career for her. But it’s hard to balance it all. Much love to all the mommas out there.
A mother of a 30 year old just told me the same the other day, and it really set me free, so thank you for putting it our there and being so candid and honest! That’s what I love about following you-you realness! You are rocking it!
Well I’ll be a rootin’ tootin’ if this didn’t pop up at the exact perfect time. My kiddo is 15 months and my husband and I both work full time. Our jobs are pretty flexible but my husband’s takes him out of town now and again. I used to LOVE those few nights alone. Now they are dreadful and I have a huge, huge, HUGE, appreciation for single moms. I couldn’t do it. I’ve been having these exact same thoughts about “balance” and the fact that it shouldn’t even be used in a sentence about life. I am CONSTANTLY telling myself that I “need to find balance.” Work more? Feel like I’m ignoring my family. Work less? Neglecting my job. And this is all in addition to struggling with anxiety already! I also just had a session with my therapist where we talked about how I NEED to make MEGHAN time a priority at LEAST 30 minutes a MONTH. That shouldn’t sound or be so difficult but holy shit, my mind went to “how am I ever going to find time for that?” I’d have to leave The worse that could happen is having my leave Theo at daycare an extra 30 min, and he wouldn’t even know the difference.
I could go on and on about this topic but it’s time to scoop Theo up from daycare and head home. So instead I shall say thank you for being vulnerable.
Love this! I love how you keep it real, and acknowledge not just the moms, but the 25 year old single ladies. Because at that time in my life I also felt like it was hard to balance career, home life, social life, fitness, etc. Now, a mom of 3 under 5, and I look back and think what the heck did I do with my time?! Haha. I am now a full time working mom in a demanding/high stress environment (healthcare finance manager) and I’ve found that there seems to be no grace in the corporate world for moms. The term “work life balance” gets thrown around all the time, but I totally agree that you can’t have it all at once. Something always suffers! The hard part is when work doesn’t get my all I feel like I’m judged or not a good employee. And the constant mom guilt of working out of the house and spending more hours in the day with colleagues rather than my kids is SO hard. I love the reminder to give ourselves some grace and know we’re all doing the best we can!
I enjoy following you! You keep it real, for me you hit it on the head when you said us women are expected to do it all. I’m a stay at home Mom and so many times just feel like a maid but I keep reminding myself it’s just for a season.
I’ve read your blog for years but have never commented before- But what you wrote REALLY resonated with me today. I’m a newlywed (less than a year is still new right? haha) who is just finishing 10 years of medical training, is starting a new job in 4 weeks, and moving in 1 week. I’m so overwhelmed, and there is no way I can find balance! You are absolutely right when you talk about the appropriateness of shifting your priorities and attention through different stages of life (and even day to day), and being okay with the fact that other areas will suffer a bit. Thanks for helping me not feel so alone today.
-From another girl who is just trying to wake up every day and do her best 🙂
So true!! It’s always that question to us moms yet if a dad can work a full time job and mow the lawn he is a superman! Great post Ali 🙂
Great article. I recently read this article and thought – yes – I am seen! It’s hard to describe the feeling that as a mother we must do it all and it’s expected of us, even though if that is an expectation we put on ourselves. Balance is truly one of the hardest things I struggle with in my life. I’m finding that I do better if I give 100% to the thing I’m doing (playing with my kids, time with my husband, work, exercise) instead of half assing everything and giving them all 75%.
Check out this article.
Great post Ali, and I will put my 2 cents in on this since now my kids are grown. I was a stay at home mom by choice for well over 20 years. Best thing I ever did and of course the hardest job. My husband made good money so he felt that if I went to work any money I make would just go to pay a sitter. I raised my boys alot by myself because my husband worked for the studios and had very long hours. Even though I gave up some career interests of my own, I would not change a thing and have no regrets, but I look back also and even being home I do not know how I did it all between school, sports, meals etc. So I do not know how working moms do it. My hats go off to those who do work as I dont know that I could have worked and raised my kids emotionally and physically. Once my youngest started school I did have more time for myself but there was still pick up, baseball, soccer, boy scouts and on and on. I was busier than ever even though I stayed home, but I too tried really hard to balance it all and because my husband worked such long hours my focus was on my kids and not as much on him and that was hard. It will get easier especially once they start school but you will always have some new hurdle and we just do the best we can. You are doing a great job.
We can’t have it all, no. We prioritize and juggle and make small changes that bring a little more contentment into our lives if we can. And although we all go a little crazy, I do feel for the single moms and dads, those who have few resources or options, no family or extra support and minimal financial resources too. I can’t imagine how it must be with these added challenges.
Amen, Ali!!!! I always say when I make awesome meals and create awesome activities for my kids… my self care falls by the weigh side … and when I focus on time with my husband , housework… my kids watch “too much “ TV in a day etc. Something a l w a y s suffers!! I’ve decided that my version of balance is knowing that some weeks I’ll feel like a super mom, and other weeks I’ll feel super like myself , and that’s going to have to be how it is while attempting to do it ALL.
Your children & Kevin and Owen are happy & it shows.
You are a good mom!
I’m happy you’re going to an exercise class.
I go to a class once a week & walk when I have time. It changes my whole outlook when I take care of myself.
There is this book called “Overhelmed: Love, Work and Play when nobody has time for it” and it’s all about how we spend our time and it’s pretty insightful and interesting and talking about working moms/families and how their time is affected by children. It’s all based on studies – you might find it interesting!
I actually think about the word balance a lot because of something you said. I have 2 boys about the same ages are your little ones. You were on Babes and Babies podcast and you said that essentially every day you have a different priority. Whatever you put last the day before, gets put first the next day whether that be kids, job, spouse, house, family, or SELF. I appreciated that a lot. Have a great weekend!
Well, I can honestly say if you have family you trust to watch your kids-get away even for 24 hours to Malibu or Ojai. It’s much tougher when both kids are upset you left. My husband & I have a 13 & 15 year old. We recently went thru two tough years where we had sick parents, family dying, health issues & a teenager making horrible choices. I am
so grateful to all the times we had to work on our marriage/bond when the kids were younger. I know it’s hard to imagine but martial satisfaction hits an all time low during the teen years. Meaning, it gets way tougher. Your family is gorgeous & the greatest gift to your children is a strong example of what love is.
Ali, my first thought was that I feel you need to take the word “suffer” away. It feels like that, it’s juggling. It’s always striving to have a good life. You are passionate about a few different things. You are evolving. Once your kids are in school full days, it will be better. You are doing “life”! Live it fully. We understand if you skip a few days of writing! Enjoy!! xo
I feel ya girl! Last night at 11 my husband and I were having a “conversation” about how everyone needs something from me ( I have a 5 year old) and I’m over it! Need a break for sure!!
Great post Ali! I’m glad you have your priorities straight! The one thing in life you can never get back is time w your kids when they are young. As my pastor says: no grave stone says “if only I had worked more”. And addressing the notion of balance: this is one of the many fallacies our American culture puts out there that is NOT true! So I’m glad you had a convo about it. Thank you
Wawawawawa. Stop whining.
I needed to read this today. My daughter just turned 1, my husband works full time and is in school working on his masters degree and I just went from working 3 days a week to 5 so I could be home by 530, have weekends and holidays off. The stress of it all has recently been hitting hard. Its is so refreshing to see someone who also doesnt have it all together and owns it! You cant be on social media for too long without seeing a picture or post of someone’s seemingly perfect life. And even though I know most people only show their best sides on social media, my brain still gets tricked into believing it’s the full picture. I greatly appreciate your realness and honesty. We need more people like you in the world.
Just want to say your blog is fantastic! Our kids are similar in age and so your tips and articles always seem to hit home. Thank you for taking the time to write these and know they are helpful to working moms like me! 🙂
Ali, dear, no one part of your life is suffering. One week, your focus is work, the next is family. That’s normal! Try not to stress so much about it, nor try to find a balance. The kids feel your stress, and I know you don’t want that. The best thing you can do is take care of you, first. Why not try and just blog once a week for awhile if that’s all you can do. I don’t think anyone is going to complain and if they do, shame on them!! You’re smart to recognize that your love life is on the back burner for now, but that too can be worked out. Remember, you don’t have to be supermom/superwoman….just be YOU. And honestly, your kids need time away from you and Kevin….yes I said that. So don’t feel bad for getting a sitter or having family watch them, be it for when you’re working, or having a date night with Kevin. Even Riley, at his age, needs to interact with other people, My kids are 39 and 35 now, and I know that things seem crazy busy now, but that’s just the way life is, and honestly, it will be that way until they leave home, except that as they get older, they’ll be able to help out more. The key is to find YOUR own normal, your routine, and try to stick to it. Keep bedtimes the same each night, children like routines and boundaries, as it makes them feel secure and loved.
My motto in life: “Good enough is good enough.” It works for me! I stopped trying to be perfect and do it all years ago. I couldn’t agree with you more Ali!
Thank you for this post!!! You are so right in that there is no balance!! I am currently sitting at my desk at my full time marketing job (yes reading your blog at work). While I haven’t seen my baby boy since yesterday morning before work — because my 5 year old had gymnastics and VBS last night….where of course I am a volunteer. He was in the bed when I got home and not awake yet when I had to leave for work. I miss him, but i am doing the best at what I was given!!!
Happy Friday and ladies let’s celebrate our great husband/dads this weekend!!
Thanks for being so real about this, us regular moms love seeing that too 😀. Honestly for me what you described is my idea of balance, some days you put more into your family/home and other times it’s work. So I don’t think of it on a daily basis as much as a weekly or monthly basis. I think when you feel like all you do is work or you never have time away from the kids that’s where things can feel unbalanced. Letting things go is huge though, I’ve accepted my house will rarely be clean and I won’t be able to keep in touch with everyone I would like but that’s okay 😀
Well said! I work from home full time with a 3 year old and 1 year old and I always feel like I’m half assing everything lol. I’m lucky to have some family help a few days a week so I can get more work done, but even then, none of my days are well balanced…I’m either working better or parenting better. Thanks for being real about this subject, because I do think there is still a lot of pressure for women to have it all, and it’s just not possible!!
Im 72 and long retired and i certainly know the word balance often doesnt exist. I too have 2 kids…worked fulltime and one disabled always having doc appts. My hubby worked construction and worked hard so I picked up the slack. It isnt easy and you surely dont get alot of me time but ur doing great Ali.
I for one dont look to see you all the time here and understand completely. I so enjoy watching you and your family as you grow and often wonder how do you do it all.
We need to realize and understand your busy life and you post and you answer when time allows.
Keep up the great work and we will take it as it comes….grateful to see you when we so.
Enjoy your weekend…and hopefully not all busy and rime out for Fathers day. Xxxx
You are doing a great job as mother. I raised 6 kids all in there 30’s and 20’s. I was a stay at home home because that is what I wanted and we could make it work I would have not been able to have a job that I could make a lot at. When I was 9 I was slead riding in my parents yard I was run down with a car 2 months in the hospital my brain doesn’t work well as anyone else. How back to want I would like to tell you stop putting your self down you are aloud to ask them to play by them self. You need to make sure you have Ali time. They nap you blog. BUT TAKE TIME FOR YOU
Ali, I so appreciate this blog post. I have two kids almost the exact ages as yours and I struggle constantly with feeling like I’m failing at one thing or another. I agree that there’s simply no such thing as balance when you’re a mom to young kids! My husband and I were literally having this conversation last night when we were out to a very rare dinner together (at a diner and in gym clothes because that’s all we could manage!) and he was asking what we need to do to give me more “balance.” My answer was, clone me!
Love this post so much! I’m a new mom and am struggling with balancing baby, online job and photography business… well and a husband and animals and moving out of a home. Sheesh. Thank you for your honesty. It seriously does make me feel better to hear someone like you struggles as well. (“Like you” as in your killing it in the blogging, mom life, working, beauty, all the things game).
Love your blog and instagram! <3
Can you please post more on your workouts? Thanks!
Thank you for writing this Ali! I’m currently a stay at home mom with a 4 year old and a 1 year old and I decided to go back to work because I feel like I need to do it for me. And unfortunately, I feel horribly guilty for wanting to. I have loved the time with my kids but I realized that I missed working and I feel bad that I do, which should not be the case. I unfortunately, don’t think we can “have it all” similar as you say cause something else has to give with all the stuff we try and juggle.
Thank you for being honest ❤️
Ali- I stumbled on this old post and I NEEDED it today. I am a mama of two girls ages 3 YO and 5 mo, and I recently broke my leg, haven’t been able to walk or carry my baby (or anything) in over a month! It is so hard as mamas to depend on others, because we seriously do it ALL! Thank you for being so relatable. You are legit one of like three celebrities I love to follow for this reason ❤️