There are so many great things about this blog. So so many. It brings women (and some rad men!) from all over the world together, to be a part of this community. I’m really proud of that. And I’m grateful for all of you. The past week has been a bit challenging for me mentally. I write this blog because I love it and it’s also a way I provide for my family. And I would say 99% of the comments I get on here are from a place of love. But that 1% of people who feel the need to come here and judge me or try to put me down is really hard to look past. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for constructive feedback, but hate has no place here. Isn’t it crazy how one person can say one bad thing about us and it can make us question so much about ourselves? I know I should ignore it (and I do most of the time). I know how silly it is. And I know all of you know how silly it is. But easier said than done right?
Some of you might not even know what I’m talking about. So let me just give a little recap. The other day on my blog, about tacos nonetheless, one of my followers decided to write an extremely hateful comment about me as a mother (I wish people like this would just unfollow me and not read my blog). After I read it, I was extremely hurt. I know I’m a damn good mother. My kids are fed, loved and cared for every moment of every day. I exclusively breastfeed my son, as I did with Molly for a year, which is a daily commitment and a struggle to keep my milk supply up (please don’t read into this. I realize breastfeeding isn’t for everyone! But it is something that I work very hard on – everyday). Molly is very smart. And while I believe some of that is something she was born with, I also think Kevin and I do a really good job of making sure we teach her new things every single day. Whether it’s the alphabet or a new word in Spanish or read her new book. I’m proud of that. I know that’s because we work extra hard to make sure she’s developing and growing and learning. So for someone to suggest that I’m not a good mother because I have ups and downs really bothered me. It bothered me not only for me, but for all the other moms that are judged out there who are just doing the absolute best they can.
I share stories and small snippets about my motherhood journey because I hope it helps other moms out there not feel as alone. Because anyone who says motherhood isn’t hard, is lying!!!! Are you getting the whole picture of my life? Well no. That would be nearly impossible to share. In fact if you were getting the whole picture of my life then maybe I would be a pretty bad mother because I would be on my phone and on Instagram stories way too much and not paying attention to my children. What are you not seeing? Well you’re not seeing Molly screaming and crying because she’s two and that’s what two year olds do sometimes. You’re not seeing me at 6am trying to nurse Riley while she’s crying at my feet because she wants me to put the baby down, but if I put him down he will cry because he’s hungry and my husband isn’t home to help because he goes to work at 4am. You don’t see me nurse once and then pump 5 times a day because I am trying to get my milk supply up (I only breastfeed in the morning and pump EVERY other feed so I make sure Riley gets enough food – he drinks A TON right now – 40 ounces a day! and I can’t keep up so I pump and add frozen breast-milk for what I can’t produce in the moment. I’ll blog more about this later.) You don’t see me pump so often and frequently that my nipples rub raw and I’m in tears from the pain – but I keep going. You don’t see A LOT of my struggles. And my struggles are the same as SO MANY other mothers struggles.
And I know so many other mothers out there have it SO much harder than I do. I know this. I lucky that I was able to hire childcare to help me for a few hours ever morning (btw, The Nanny League is great if your looking for help too). And I’m not a single mom. I have a husband that truly takes on 50% of the load. I CANNOT IMAGINE what it must be like to be a single mother and I’m in awe of all of you! But that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. I do. I’m human.
One person also suggested in a comment on my blog that I should share my struggles, but not in such an extreme way on Instagram. What does that even mean?! That I should sugarcoat those things and make them seem not as hard? She said that other “celebs” find a way to share their struggles but not make it seem so extreme. And again, I know I shouldn’t get so hung up on a few people’s comments when there were so many positive ones, but I feel like if I were to sugarcoat what’s going on that would be doing a disservice to all the moms that follow me. Any mother out there knows that motherhood has extreme up-and-down’s! One second your kid is being amazing and well behaved and giving you a ton of love and you’re giving them love in return! Then in the next second they’re throwing themselves on the ground screaming at the top of their lungs, and you’re doing everything in your power to keep your cool. One minute you feel like you’ve got this and the next you wonder how you’ll get through the day.
But here is what you also don’t see on my blog or insta. You might not have seen that Molly has memorized over two dozen books in her collection from front to back because we read them so often. You might not have seen that she gives me and Kevin what we call “double hugs and double kisses” every night where we all do a group hug and group kiss before bedtime. You might not have seen that she insists that mommy put her to bed at night and I love it because we share extra sweet moments in those few minutes right before she goes to bed. You don’t always see that Riley smiles nonstop. Even though I do post a ton about how much he smiles! I’d never be able to capture all the smiles in one day because he’s truly the happiest person I know! We are so blessed to have such an incredibly sweet baby! You might not necessarily see that my husband is the absolute best father to our kids that I could’ve ever hoped for! I don’t always write or talk about that because I feel like he’s so amazing that it’s impossible to put into words. My point to mention these things is to say that I know my life is great! But my life is also hard right now! And anyone with kids out there knows why. Kevin and I always say that this is the best AND the HARDEST time in our lives. So there are going to be huge highs and low lows.
I know I’ve spent some time talking about the negative people on my blog, but I’m done giving energy to that right now. I want to focus on the good. Hence why I’m drinking out of my “cup of happy” mug today! And I want to give shout outs to the women and moms that deserve the shout outs! Like Sarah who made me laugh by commenting on my blog saying saying people seem “hangry” and everyone should “make a taco, eat a taco and continue to do your best parenting with what works for you.” Thanks for putting a smile on my face when I was feeling pretty frustrated and down. And thank you to Shayla who follows my blog and reads it regularly! Thank you to Amy for telling me to continue to share the no-filtered version of motherhood. I will! Because of people like you! And thank you to Beth for commenting on my taco blog with an actual question about the tacos! Ha! She asked if she could substitute the black beans because she’s not a fan of them. You totally can Beth! Try roasted chickpeas!
And thank you to everyone else who has ever written something nice on my blog! All of you are why I keep doing this. Thank you all for supporting me and giving me love and encouragement. I truly hope from the bottom of my heart that I do a little bit of the same for all of you! As you guys know, I try to comment back to the majority of the comments on my blog! I want you to know that I’m here and I’m reading them and I hear you all! With the exception of the taco blog, I didn’t respond back to a lot of those because it was a bit emotional for me. But otherwise this blog is a place for us to connect! Not just a place for me to write and you guys comment. But a place for me to keep the conversation going and comment back! If I ever don’t comment, it’s only because I’m trying to juggle this and being a present mother for my children. It’s a constant juggling act but like I said at the beginning of this blog, all of us moms are just doing the best we can. I love you guys! You’re the best!
“Hurt people, hurt people”- I’m going to try to remember that next time. Because sadly, there will be many next times…