“Shawn Really Hates Nick” Show? OR “Kaitlyn Digs Shawn & Nick” Show

Ok let’s talk about the “Shawn really hates Nick” show, as Nick calls it. Because many of you out there seem to have a real problem with this season of the Bachelorette. So I’m not even going to bother calling it the Bachelorette this time around. So let’s get into it.

We got to relive Ian and all his asshole-ness from last week. I really hate how he kept saying “you told us to be honest,” because there is a big difference between honesty and being super rude.  Didn’t your momma ever tell you that if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all? It’s really good advice and you should try following it.

Right before the rose ceremony someone said “there’s always something. Every rose ceremony.” I couldn’t see who said it, but he was totally right!!!  Poor Kaitlyn. She has had to deal with so much this season. I really hope it ends after tonight’s episode but based on the previews for next week, it doesn’t look like it. And it was so annoying that some of the guys were worried about getting time, when Kaitlyn was obviously hurting. They MUST have known how Ian felt about Kaitlyn, Nick clearly knew. And Nick was the only one who got right up and went to go check on Kaitlyn. They could have followed and checked on her too. Or they could have gone to interrupt them. Shawn did finally decide to go interrupt and did not like what he saw, and I don’t blame him. Ugh.  I remember when I was the Bachelorette and I had to be SO careful about kissing the guys and other guys seeing. I mean OBVIOUSLY you’re going to kiss more than one guy when you are expected to find your husband out of 25 random guys in less than 3 months. Intimacy matters in a relationship and you have to test the waters!

Nick gets the first 1-on-1 date – no real surprise there, but the guys HAVE GOT to be nervous at this point. She let him join the group, the next week he gets the group date rose, and now he gets the 1-on-1? They must be worried about her connection with him and they should be! Her dates with Nick seem the most natural to me. More natural than any dates I’ve ever seen on the Bachelorette. All the dates are always too serious or too awkward and with Nick, it just seems normal. I’m into it. And obviously so was Kaitlyn.

So let me just dive into this topic by saying slut shaming is NOT COOL! What is wrong with people?!?! I mean really.  It makes me SO angry that there is such a double standard in this world when it comes to men and women having sex. I can assure you that Kaitlyn is NOT the first person to have sex with someone on the show. In fact, I would argue that 95% of the Bachelors and Bachelorette DO have sex on the show. Sure, Kaitlyn did it before the infamous fantasy suite, but does that really matter? I’ve heard Mike Fleiss (the creator of the show) say that one of the Bachelors had sex with something like 6 of his 25 women!!! I’m not going to say who that Bachelor is, but people didn’t slut shame him. So stop judging Kaitlyn for following her heart annnnnnd her vagina 😉

And ya ya ya, I realize Kailtyn told Shawn that he was the “one” and it wasn’t exactly fair to say that and then go sleep with Nick. But hear me out… I told Roberto he was the “one” on our first date and then when I went out with Frank, I connected with him on such a deep level that I thought he was actually the one for me. It’s very obvious that this is the “Kaitlyn digs Shawn and Nick show” and not, as Nick calls it, the “Shawn really hates Nick show.” So yes, she may go back and forth between the guys. She might end up sleeping with both guys. But like I said above, I ASSURE you, she is not the first Bachelorette to sleep with a guy and CERTAINLY not the first to sleep with two guys.

And Shawn, you fineeeee  specimen of a man, pleeeease don’t get into your head to much. I remember having to talking to Frank for hours about trusting me and telling him not to worry or not to question our relationship. It’s pretty common for that to happen with the people you have the strongest connection with. I totally get why Shawn was upset when he didn’t get the group date rose, but he needs to understand that Kaitlyn probably wanted to give it to him but couldn’t. If she gave the group date rose to the guy she wanted to every date, Nick and Shawn would get every single group date rose. There would be no show because most of the guys would want to leave. Put yourself in her shoes, do you REALLY think it would take 3 months to narrow down a group of 25 guys to, let’s say, the top 3? Absolutely NOT! You do that the very first night. The rest of the “journey” is just going through the motions and trying to be as fair as possible to the guys that are there that you don’t have a connection with. Could a guy surprise you along the way that you didn’t initially have strong feelings for, yeah. But it’s not super likely and I think we can all tell Kaitlyn knows who her top 2 guys are already. Tanner basically pointed out that he isn’t a contender for Kaitlyn’s heart when he said “by the way my name is Tanner.” He gets that he doesn’t have a relationship with Kaitlyn and is surprised he keeps getting a rose. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out he wont be the last guy standing and there is absolutely nothing between them – yet, he’s still around.

Ok, I’m done blabbing. Let me know what you guys thought in the comments below! And RT my tweet if you like my blog so other people can check it out too!

Thanks loves! Until next time…

xoxo Ali

Lastly, and most importantly (duh), I leave you with “Ian the Poop”

101 Thoughts

101 thoughts on ““Shawn Really Hates Nick” Show? OR “Kaitlyn Digs Shawn & Nick” Show

  1. Nick and Kaitlyn have sparks… no question about it! Shawn needs to keep his head in the game and stop overthinking! Kaitlyn should be proud of her journey as the bachelorette….real/honest/funny

  2. Ali, I think you’ve pretty much nailed it! And to see not only you, but Nick defend Kaitlyn’s actions all over social media, it shows how wrong those detractors are. I hope you and the rest of Bachelor Nation continue to give her your support. Gotta love my Canadian gal!

  3. I agree with you 100% and I don’t understand what all the fuss is about! I think she is doing the best she can and is staying true to herself! You are a good friend for defending her. Loved your season also by the way! Have a blessed day!

  4. So true on so many levels!! I feel Nick and Kaitlyn’s relationship is real! And yea I seen Nick on the other show with Andi, but this one seems real and different from the last show. Shaun is to worried about Kaitlyn’s relationship with Nick. Shaun needs to worry about Kaitlyn and his relationship, not anything else. Jared was right, worry about yourself and no one else!!! This season has been SO different. It’s crazy, fun, drama, sexy, and so much more!! I hope at the end of this, Kaitlyn ends up in LOVE!!!

  5. I admit I really liked Shawn at first and had my blinders on, but am starting to change my mind. I understand jealousy is normal when one cares about the person they’re dating, but I feel like his jealousy also stems from a sense of entitlement. I don’t love Nick, but I was bothered by the fact that Shawn refers to Nick as "the other guy" and claims that Nick is "full of sh*t." It just seems immature. Shawn probably knows nothing about Nick and probably never even had a conversation with the guy.

  6. Couldn’t agree more with your blog! Nick & Kaitlyn by far have the best connection in my eyes, it is normal, not forced conversation, or a kiss only because you have nothing to talk about. They are so into each other, I am really hoping he is the last one standing! I still do not understand why people give him such a hard time.

    I was shocked they told us Kaitlyn told Shawn he was the one! And it does become obvious they are her top 2 and it will be a constant back and forth.

    No judgment toward her decision last night or any choices she has made thus far. I am loving her and I feel bad she is getting so much backlash!

    -Andrea

  7. Great article. I see all of your points and agree with most. I would say the only thing I feel differently on is the timing of the sex. Yes sex is part of a relationship, YES if you are finding a husband i think its something that most people do and there is nothing wrong with it – However, that was their first date. So to me, the fantasy suite (the timing of it) makes sense because its at the END and its less disrespectful to the big group of guys that are there. I realize this is her journey- but if she truly felt like Shawn was the one- to the point that she even told him- i think she couldve waited until the fantasy suite, the end, when he probably would assume that would happen- to sleep with the guys. I just feel like to do that on your first date with someone.. when you are in love with someone else is a total disregard of their feelings. I do understand getting caught up in the moment and would never slut shame anyone as I am not perfect and have no right to do so. I just feel like if I were shawn it would hurt me to know she didnt feel the need to take me to the hotel room on their one on one but she felt that way with nick. Although i think with the spoilers ive read he probably doesnt care as much as the rest of the world does lol. in the end i think it all works out 😉 I am just not a fan of sex on the first date in general. I think maybe that time couldve been better used talking and getting to know the actual human being.

  8. I couldn’t agree with you more. Hey, she’s HUMAN….just like the rest of us. She has feelings too so they should stop judging her and just enjoy her journey. I didn’t like Nick on the season he was on but, have changed my opinion of him now. He seems like a genuinely nice guy who knows what he wants….Kaitlin! 🙂 I hope it works out for her in the end no matter who she ends up with. I suspect it will be Nick.

  9. I agree Ali.. I’ve watched every single season, every single episode, and I will say this.. I don’t feel the "protection" for the ette’s that I did seasons ago. Why in the world would they have not stopped filming once they went into the room, and left it to America’s imagination as to what went on? And then to keep the mic on? I felt creepy listening to it.. Kaitlyn and Nick have chemistry, they acted on the passion, if most of the shammers are saying they never did, I’d call them out, 100%. The dates are terrible this year which is not helping Kaitlyn’s case here, everyone blames her, they are all very low budget and down right lame. I love Shawn, but he is acting a tad whimpy and it’s not a good look. She cannot just hang all over him, even if she wants to. It’s definaely the Kaitlyn, Shawn and Nick show.. My guess, they will be the last 2 standing.. Who she chooses???? Well….. next.. 🙂

  10. Ali, what’s your opinion about Sean and Catherine’s decision to wait until marriage? Do you think they were wrong to do so?

  11. If it’s true that a bachelor slept with 17 of his women, then the only people guilty of "slut-shaming" are the bachelorette producers. We certainly never saw any bachelor sleep with 17 women, but I guarantee if we had there would have been an outcry then, too! I would feel the same way if a man had done this. Doesn’t make you a "slut," – sex is completely natural – but it does make it a lot more difficult to believe that you truly take it seriously and care about the other people involved if you would do something that you know would hurt them (and based off of her reaction the next day, she knew). But the double standard is on the part of production – like I said, I would feel the exact same if it was a man. They are "slut-shaming" by giving her a scarlet letter and keeping the similar stuff that has happened with men under wraps.

    1. I completely agree with this! It’s true we’ve heard rumors that there were lots of Bachelors who have done it but you don’t hear about it until after the show is done. You never see it filmed and aired.

  12. I totally agree!!! It’s always a double standard with men and women and it angers me!!! My daughter is 14 starting high school in the fall and this is the exact conversation we had the other night!! Watch what u do because women will always be judged way harsher than men!!! It’s sad….. Oh and I’ll take Ben z over any of them any day!!!!!! LOL

  13. I’m just a little perturbed that they had to show so much of the night act with Nick…ABC could have done this many shows ago and they decide to do it now? Why? The double standard thing is bad enough…did they really not have enough good footage to just let it be…poor girl! Though I would have done the same thing!

  14. I love that you have been in her shoes so you can appropriately recap an episode and give all the rest of us some insight as to how the process works! Thank you for that!

  15. I do agree with most of what you are saying but I feel that even if would have been the other way around, and a Bachelor would have slept with one of his girls under the same exact circumstances that Katylin is in, that most people would have been just as upset. I agree with someone else who made a comment here that it’s the timing. I do feel at times that she is not considering the feelings of the other guys when she claims to like them and respect them so much… especially Shawn. And I don’t blame him for reacting the way he has. He’s fallen in love with her… Of course it’s going to hurt him. I actually like him more because of this. He is not there to play any games. He knows what he wants and is going all in and so it has to be devastating to him when she told him he’s the one. I feel for him. I think she should have considered his feelings before doing what she did. Actually she even said it herself on the balcony… She commented that she wondered how she would have felt if Chris would have done that to her …

  16. Have watched the show for a very long time. Have disliked Nick V. since first time I saw him on Andi’s season. Do not understand what anyone sees in him. He is the type of guy who makes my skin crawl. How can so many (Andi, Whitney B., etc.) see in him and have sex with him. Disgusting. It makes me not want to see the show anymore. First time was last night that I actually turned the channel rather than hear or see him on the show! Many of my friends did the same thing—producers need to take notice!

  17. Very well put Ali. I would have to say that I agree with everything you said.
    Everyone else who feels its bad with what Kaitlyn is doing : well I feel she is following her heart and it’s okay. As far as past shows and what was shown for your viewing is all different on each season. Think about it- they aren’t going to show EVERYTHING every season. So if a bachelor slept with 17 woman on whatever season then so be it… That’s his life. And did it need to be exposed to the public? I don’t feel so. This season is really making good points if you think about it. She has opened a new door to the show or actually looking for love. She is simply just dating like there are no cameras but in a short time frame with multiple men. I believe that she is handling situations they best she can from what we get to view and observe. I am sure there is more to it that we don’t see.
    At this point the season should be almost done with a few more dates between the main 2 runner ups for her to be sure of her choice but that’s the surprise to us now. Maybe one of them or none or a surprise in the end. I am curious to know who.

  18. I agree 100%!!!! I cannot get over how rude and ruthless people are to Kaitlyn. On top of that, they are moatly women slut shaming her! I think Kaitlyn is awesome for doing what she wants! I wish it wasnt with Nick but hey. Shawn shawn shawn shawn shawn….he is perfect!!!

  19. Clearly, no ones biz but her’s!! I adore Kaitlyn.. Nick is a very hot.. Sorry, but he is pretty dreamy in the whole McDreamy since. He presents him self well and yes the others need to worry.. Sorry but true.. I saw their chemistry and its AMAZING!!!

  20. I only think people are having trouble in digesting the situation because it was with Nick. The very same guy who nobody liked on Andi’s season and nobody likes on Kaitlyn’s season. The problem is that the show is about unknown people falling in love with a person that the public knows because he/she was on the last season of the show. It is not about two former bachelors that had already talked on social media, had a chance to meet each other without being on the show. As a fan, I know that you guys all become a huge "happy bachelor family" and really have the chance to bound in real life after the show. So why they didn’t do this if the attraction was mutual? Add this to fact that this season hasn’t been as good as everybody thought that would be – with some of the most hateful people in the history of the show (Clint, JJ, Ian) -, the dates have been terrible and we all were forced to hear what Kaitlyn and Nick were doing in the room, which was disgusting and inconvenient.

    It’s not only Kaitlyn’s fault (she doesn’t produce or edit the show) but NOTHING is working properly this season and people are getting pissed off. It’s too much drama for a person who is known for not being dramatic at all.

  21. First time to your site (waves hi)…
    So I’m curious Ali…had Frank stayed on, would you have picked him over R?
    And I agree with your blog…it’s always the girl that gets called out as the slut for having sex, the guy is the cool dude who just got laid…no one cares about them…such a double standard!!

  22. Viewing this from an older perspective and years of relationships men don’t want to know you’ve slept with anyone else…especially if they are trying to engage in a love relationship with you. They want the quintessential virgin even if they deep down know that’s not the case…basically don’t throw it in their face.

  23. The thing that bothered me about last nights episode is the deep breathing we had to suffer through. Clearly by them closing the door, we knew what was going down. Or who. I thought it was totally gross and wrong of the producers to sit and listen to what was going on.

    Also, she should own what she did. Who cares how the others react to Nick staying the night. The endless drama gets old. Just own up, and be happy!

  24. I agree 100% with your comments Ali. Sex is so important and she’s trying to find her husband. I’m happy she went for it and acted on those feelings. Yes, it sucks for the other guys, that would hurt anyone knowing they were intimate with someone else they were dating. But that’s life. It’s better for her to know if there’s that intimate connection now, then be engaged and not have that spark. I do really like Shawn so I’m still pushing for him, and I hope he has confidence in his and Kaitlyn’s connection. Stick with it, you’re a good catch Shawn, and you seem to be a true gentlemen. Nick, I give you props and I too think you and Kaitlyn can’t deny the feelings you have for each other. Your chemistry is steamy hot and it made me want to jump on my fiance. haha. Giggidy goo. Ian, kick rocks. So disappointed in all those rude comments you said to Kaitlyn. Shame on you for being so disrespectful to a woman. Poop on you is right! And heck no, you don’t deserve to be the next bachelor. I can’t believe you’re trying to get ABC to vote for you. Booo.
    Thanks Ali for another good post. Love your thoughts on the show, and your cute style too. <3

  25. Ian was so rude! I love that he was talking about becoming the next Bachelor as he drove away… no chance! Shawn definitely needs to keep his head in the game- I hope he can hold on and focus on his relationship with Kaitlyn. She’s awesome.

  26. I think sex is important as well and why wait until the fantasy suits to actually have sex and see…whoops something is wrong…But really!? Nick!? I mean after the way he behaved in Andy’s season and just coming in like that in the middle of the season and "suprising" her and the other guys. I think this is my issue. If he had join from the beginning…it would have been fair…everyone has the same chance and she just feels the best connection with him, so it happens. But now it is more like, I used to have feelings for him and we chated, and we had a connection, but than I went on the Bachelorette, but OMG he followed me and now it is clear that from the beginning we were meant for each other.
    Why wait for the mid of the season? Why not join from the moment he knew it is going to be her if he had just deep feelings? And…the other guys. Some of them, obvioulsy not Ian from Princeton, but some of them are really falling for her and before Nick came she was falling for them. Making out…kissing, touching. It just shows in the most brutal way that she does not have problem with intimacy, she just clearly didn’t want to get thaaat intimate with any of the other guys. It just proves that the whole show is a lucky game and explains why most of the couples do not last long…
    The chatting and getting to know each other before the show has waaaay more weight than the minutes spent on the show…

    1. He probably had no control over when he got to join. He told producers he wanted to be included, and they decided if and when they’d stick him in. It was their decision to wait until mid-season for drama. Not his.

  27. Discretion. Perhaps if Kaitlyn had used a bit of discretion, the entire Bachelor NATION wouldn’t be up in arms. The reason none of the other Bachelorettes who may (or may not have) have sex during the show were not put on blast is because they fine tuned the art of discretion. If you’re gonna boldly pull a man into your bed while the cameras are rolling, knowing full well that the mics are still on and the world is going to watch, then please. Don’t pretend to be so offended at the slut shaming.

    Discretion. Some folks need to simply "Wikepedia" it.

    1. You don’t speak for the "entire Bachelor nation." Plenty of people are capable of forming reasonable opinions.

  28. I think it all depends on how a person is raised. Some people are raised with the belief that people having sex because they feel like it is a demeaning sign of loose morals, while others are raised to believe that anything goes as long partners are happy with it. I think she is getting more blame than Chris because it was her who initiated the whole thing by inviting Nick back to her room. She knew when she invited him there what her plans were. Nick was shocked and you could see he was by his expression. A "Oh, I’m going to get lucky" expression, but hey, he’s a guy. If it’s offered, why not take it? And Shawn is very upset because she again opened a can of worms by telling him that she was feeling the same towards him as he told her he was feeling about her, and then she totally ignores him until he confronts her, and she acts all lovey-dovey to him again. Then she picks Nick for the one-on-one date instead of him. If I was a guy and found out she had sex with someone, especially one who came in halfway through, I would be gone. If those men stick around after she stupidly opens her mouth and confesses to them, they all must be suckers for punishment. I agree with everything that Ian had to say about her. She is out for as much fun, adventure, sex, and living in lavish style as she can get before the show is over. I personally would pick one of the two Ben’s as each one is a real sweetheart, and either one would make a real fine bachelor next season, if it isn’t ruined completely this season.

    1. Ian is an arrogant, delusional jerk when it comes to his assessment of himself, but I do think that many of his observations about Kaitlyn were spot-on, and I’m glad someone called her out on her questionable behavior and intentions.

      And I think he was right that, frankly, she’s not that great of a catch. Most if not all of these guys could do better. It’s just a shame that Ian destroyed his credibility with the asinine rants about how he went to Princeton and is so "deep".

  29. You are totally right!!!!! I love your input and your blog!! All I’ve heard from family and friends (all men) is how big of a slut she is, when really if it was the other way around it wouldn’t be a problem. Who cares!!
    I love your blog! I’ve also followed you on your journey and you are my fav!!!! Great Points!!!

    M

  30. Thanks for the inside scoop! I think the problem is that if another bachelor did have sex with that many women, it was never aired on their season. As far as we know there are rules that go along with the show that we have seen bachelorettes follow for years. So, to see Kaitlyn break them to have sex on air before the fantasy suite seems slutty even if in real life it totally is not!! I definitely think in real life it is not slutty to sleep with someone after a few dates. But if you aren’t doing it in the privacy the fantasy suite provides (or the producers keep it hush hush like they did in the past) then you are doing it on air with the world watching. Might as well just wait until you are down to the 3 guys you are most serious about with the world watching so you can do it in private.

  31. My one big complaint about last nights episode was the Nick/Kaitlyn scenes and the volume of PDA between her and Nick. In my opinion there was very little conversation and WAY too much PDA. To me it was disrespectful to the people around them. The producers made it look as though that’s all they did. Even when they were alone at the dinner, all they really did was make out and then head to her room. She could hardly even speak when asking him to accept the rose so they could rush out of there. I also agree that we didn’t need to see or hear anything more once they went into the bedroom and closed the door. I also agree with comments about the kind of "dates" the show is staging this season. All very low budget and degrading……boxing, sumo wrestling and then last nights "wake". They could not have paid me enough to lie in that coffin! Poor Kaitlyn! Who came up with that one and how could anyone think that was entertaining? This show is really getting lame. One more thing…..they need to stop recycling contestants. Give fresh people a chance.

  32. You are exactly right Ali! I couldn’t agree more! I think more people are just bothered by the fact that they are showing more of the sex stuff rather than leaving it to the viewers imagination…. So that it doesn’t take the show down a trashier path (does that make sense?) I mean yes people have sex… I honestly was a virgin when I got married and would like to think that there are still people like that out there but everyone is different and it’s all good! 🙂 I would just like to use my imagination rather than hear the moaning and comments lol PS I have loved you on each season you have been on and any other thing you’ve done! You’re personality is contagious and I think that’s why you have had so much success since the show 🙂 everyone loves Ali!

  33. Like it. Love it.
    Way to stand up for another rad chick!
    So sick of the judgement that everyone thinks they can have on other peoples life and sex choices. GET OVER IT PEOPLE! Sex happens. Just ’cause she decided to try and find her man on TV doesn’t give us the right to decide HOW she does that.
    And sure, that sucks for the other guys, but I SERIOUSLY doubt any one of them would have stopped it and had a problem had they been in HIS shoes. Lol.
    Love the level of real you give lady. 🙂

  34. I totally agree with what you think, I just still can’t see Nick as someone who can we trusted and it drives me crazy because I want to be able to! I think what bothers me the most about Nick and Kaitlyn is how everytime we see them they are either all over each other, which is fine it’s great to have that spark, or they are talking about how crazy it is that he’s here and they are so glad. It’s the same type of conversation each time. We never see footage of them talking about anything else and I’d like to see that because it might change my opinion on how I feel about Nick and their relationship. Their connection just seems too lustful to me and I can’t help but think that might not last forever. I just don’t trust Nick! It’s almost like he’s there to tell her things she wants to hear and then sleep with her. There’s just something about him that doesn’t sit well with me. And the hypocrisy of how, he calls out Andi for having sex with her guys when it’s already assumed at that point in the show and then he has sex with Kaitlyn when the timing just isn’t the best and now she’s getting slut shamed? I don’t know it just makes everything so much more complicated now for Kaitlyn. I just wish people would stop trashing her she’s s great girl who is following her heart:

    Also I think it’s kind of cute that Shawn is having the feelings he is. It shows he really truly cares for her. Yes he should tone it down a notch and focus on their relationship and not Nick and Kaitlyns but I think it’s fair to worry and be confused. He’s confused and his reaction is only human. I’m hoping for him in the end because I feel that he’s a really great guy for Kaitlyn and they have a great connection.

    Thanks for another awesome blog. It’s so nice to hear your opinions and see someone sticking up for Kaitlyn!

  35. great recap. I wonder how many other Princeton graduates watched the last 2 episodes and winced every time The Princeton Graduate informed the camera that he graduated from there. Viewing parties probably turned it into a drinking game and ended up hospitalised.
    I know they wanted to make sure people stuck around for the drama – but I wish I hadn’t had the spoilers to that Kaitlyn + Nick date, it would’ve been nicer to see that and just get hit with how devoid of chemistry the other dates were compared to this. Maybe they edit it out of the other dates, but in this one she was giddy, you just had to look at her and know what was going to happen later. (I couldn’t help but find Nick’s walk out shot amusing – no Walk of Shame there, it had a lot more Strut of Triumph about it).
    (Has Ryan Gosling never watched the show before? you know the deal when you sign up)
    I’m sick of ‘cliffhanger’ episodes, just cut the garbage out, start and finish with a rose ceremony. The editing of Chris’s Bachelor season was great, but they’ve gone a bit too far with Bachelorette – I think that’s contributing to some of the dissatisfaction with the season, and it is rubbing off onto Kaitlyn and she is copping flak as it is "her season". I bet if you took the season, re-edited it to fit normal format and showed it to people fresh, they’d be happier with it.

  36. First off, I am NOT a Nick fan, but I am not the one looking for a husband here. Up until reading this I was thinking the whole sl* thing too about Kaitlyn but your explanation of this process, in public and on the air opened my eyes to the normalcy of what is taking place. Now I’m thinking that there has been a decidable difference in editing and in what is shared on the show this season. I think now I’m just a little disappointed that the editing didn’t protect Kaitlyn a little bit more after they entered the bedroom. If bachelors are having more sex than we know about, someone is obviously decidedly editing that out for the men. I guess it’s good for the ratings, and causes chatter amongst the fans but in a way isn’t it similar to bullying Kaitlyn? Yes, I’m guilty of having some not so nice thoughts about her myself but I never would have voiced that. This morning on a "morning show" two hosts were talking about Kaitlyns "sl**y actions" and I just felt that it was a bit much to go there… Again, like bullying. Although it will never happen, editing should be toned down to leave some of the shenanigans to our imagination. Last night definitely left nothing to the insgination.

  37. So many points to make, so where to start….Well, first, I’d like to say that No Way Jose for Ian being the next Bachelor. My vote is Ben H!! Ben Z would be my second choice! Secondly, I second the Ian as "pond scum". Thirdly, the SEX…There is so much to this one. I do agree with Ali that there is a double standard, but I also think that it is what it is. Maybe it is how I was raised, but I think women have to be better than men in making sure it is the time and place. I doubt very seriously that many men would ever say "wait. Do you think it is appropriate?" Hell NO! So, that is up to the women. I agree with the one that said DISCRETION. And, I think who you say yes to, also says a lot about you. What Nick did on the previous season tells much about his character. He would sell her out on national TV, and picking Nick to sleep with tells a lot about Kaitlin’s character. That and the way she did it and didn’t care what they were filming. I don’t think many are naive to the fact that their is sex going on on the show, but when and where and with whom DOES MATTER. I also think that yes, the physical connection that you have with a person absolutely makes a difference, but I have also been blinded by that physical attraction and not everyone that you are physically attracted to is marriage worthy. It can also blind you to the character of the individuals. I think to keep her "head" in the game, she should have waited (at least a few weeks). lol

  38. No slut shaming here – intimacy is a HUGE aspect of any relationship and I totally agree with Kaitlyn’s statement that if it’s not there – that’s a relationship killer. My issue with her sleeping with Nick is mostly due to a lack of personal knowledge in what their relationship BEFORE the Bachelorette actually entailed and what I’ve seen on the show. With the whole Ian thing about having deep and meaningful conversations with people, I actually paid attention and didn’t see anything on the show that showed Kaitlyn and Nick experiencing anything together other than soft core porn style make-outs and maybe a bit too much of the moaning for viewing audiences. I don’t see what kind of connection there is there other than physical. Which brings me to my next issue – when you have someone like Shawn where they’ve had those meaningful conversations, and he brings photos of his family and you tell him he’s the one and then go and sleep with someone in the next episode (truly have no idea how much time actually passed between these occurrences) that the editor’s of the show haven’t shown anything other than sex between them is sort of mind boggling. Then to go and say you feel guilt because it just hit you that you’re technically dating 9 other guys and probably some of them may want to leave if they find out what you did, and the thought of Shawn leaving because you slept with someone else makes your heart break – then you shouldn’t have done it. No matter how many times you tell media outlets that you don’t regret the act just the thought of hurting people – that’s just plain old regret any way you want to slice it. The thought that you messed up and as a result could lose someone else – that’s regret of the WHOOOOLLE thing. Then there is the whole thing with Snapchat and possibly Shawn in bed with Kaitlyn – good on you girl, Shawn is crazy hot! From an audience standpoint and the unfortunate but realistic world views on women and slut shaming – this mess is just not being managed very well from that perspective. From a marketing and PR perspective it’s being managed like a gold mine because nobody is shutting up about it – myself included!

  39. Why I enjoy reading your blog (or "bog" as you put it)…I’m having a really hard time talking you seriously with all the spelling mistakes. Please have someone proof read before you hit "post"! ??

  40. {first time ever writing to someone from TV and I feel funny – but I have known you for so long, I wanted to share my point of view} There is one point to make that is important to me. Nick is the one guy that went in this show for her. All other guys entered into a game where they could end up chasing one of the 2 girls. That makes the whole difference, K. sees Nick as the one who is focused on her and that is appealing. He is a smart guy and they obviously have chemistry. I am tired of people questioning Nick! She is the Bachelorette and she is flattered by the attention (who wouldn’t be?) and she feels for both Nick and Shawn. You are so on point when you say the show is about these 2 guys, Ali. Some others are cute and she sees them as friends. If she slept with Nick (which she probably did) the next day would she like to face Shawn at the concert or just hang out with her pal Jared? I totally understand her choice. Jared is safe emotionally for her as Shawn is the opposite! He challenges her (as does Nick) and she feels things. Easier to keep those two a few days apart. I totaly loved your season, I follow you on social media and I feel you are so genuine. My first and favourite Bachelorette, so modern, romantic and very very very eloquent and clever. That made the whole difference. I wish you only the best! Love, Flavia.

  41. Nick has lost people’s respect by the way he confronted Andi on AFTR. He weaseled his way onto the show and didn’t care that he didn’t belong. The physical attraction is not the basis for a lasting relationship and he will soon find out that he is 2nd best twice. It couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

  42. It was Bob Guiney who was famous for having sex with multiple girls on the show. Also I get intimacy is important so kudos to Kaitlyn but perhaps they should have removed the microphones while they were in the back room having sex that was hard to hear.

  43. I could simply just not be remembering correctly but if some unnamed Bachelor DID in fact sleep with 6 women out of 25 on the show, why was that not made so obvious as it was in Kaitlyn’s situation? Why is the show edited and the story told with SO MUCH sexism if this is going on "95%" of the time? I do believe you are right but I don’t understand why the show pics and chooses when to "spill the beans" and out certain people and not others?

    They are all adults and if they choose to have sex, more power to them. I do think the how s betraying people’ trust and I don’t think its okay to out some and not others. Kaitlyn did nothing wrong but its all out in the open for everyone to scrutinize and judge her for it but not for others. Not okay.

  44. Shawn is a little scary. His hot temper and jealousy is extreme and should raise a red flag.
    Why would Nick allow himself to be vulnerable to another sex disaster on TV? I question if he Is really there for Kaitlin or was it a set up?
    Jared didn’t get the girl he was there for (Britt) so he is doing and saying all the right things to win Kaitlin. Is he for real?

  45. I totally agree!! People need to stop slut shamming and holding women to such double standards!! It is horrible. Thank you for the post!!

  46. If K did not want to wait until the "fantasy suite" it is no one’s business. That being said, she should have been smart enough to do it without the cameras and microphones. Also if you do something like that… No guilt, regrets or crying over spilt milk please. Own what you do.
    With regards to Nick.. He told on Andi and he went and told the other guys that she invited him to her suite….Really…he did not divulge everything but just enough to leave the rest to their imagination. He has broken the gentleman code twice!!! I have no respect for him and feel sorry for K for trusting him.

  47. This season is by far the worst. Done watching. Didn’t like Kaitlyn on Chris season, still dont. Wish they would find a random person not one from a past show. BTW Nick is a loon.

  48. I try not to dump on people on the worldwide web but I’m having a very hard time liking Kaitlyn. Not because she had sex — good for her! — but because she just doesn’t seem nearly as connected to the idea of finding a mate as others have been. I didn’t much like the way Ian made his exit, but I agreed with much of what he said about her. She IS shallow, and not very interesting! Andi was a district attorney, others seem to have interests beyond "making out" but Kaitlyn is a pretty empty vessel. Doesn’t make for very good TV. I’ve watched every episode of this series but honestly might be done. Kaitlyn was a disastrous choice — could not care less who gets that final rose.

  49. This is why you’ve always been my favorite Bachelorette…… but Kaitlyn’s not far behind….I love her for being real! People need to give her a break!

  50. Here’s my problem with Ali’s opinion… while I agree that it’s not fair to slut-shame a woman and not do it when a man is having sex with multiple partners, we’re all annoyed with Ian and his ego. Part of his issue was wanting sex (he even said it in the limo) and not getting it.
    The rest of the guys aren’t allowed to date other women and have sex with them so they’re left, for however long they’re on the show, not having sex unless Kaitlyn gives it to them but she wants them there for her.
    In the "real world", a woman or a man might be having sex with multiple partners but not sending those partners back to live in the same house with each other.
    Sorry but it’s my opinion that since she expects most of the men to wait or never have sex with her, then she should have held back until she was closer to the end of the show and her pick for a husband.
    It’s not a matter of slut-shaming, it’s a matter of playing fair.

  51. This season SUCKS one of the worst!

    I hate how the producers are cutting the shows like they did last season by splitting the week up into two shows to try and make cliffhangers. Seriously I’m over whatever drama happened last Monday. New Week New DRAMA PLEASE 🙂

    I can’t believe this dumb conversation. Seriously being called a slut is not a negative thing. Maybe when your in high school and immature, but I assume we’re all adults. Boys like sex, Girls LIKE SEX TOO, SHOCKER!!! Yep a girl wants to fuck a bunch of people great for her. If you’re a girl and someone calls you a slut, simply reply "yup I like sex don’t you?"

    The problem is are you trying to find love or lust. There is nothing wrong with either, but the shows premise is to find a husband. Therefore sleeping with anyone on essentially your first date just the two of you implies your more interested in lust than love. That is why in my opinion based on the premise of the show it was wrong.

    I also just want to point out Kaitlyn thought it was wrong too. She was caught on the balcony hoping flappy lips nick doesn’t say anything. If it wasn’t wrong who gives a shit if he would have said anything. She knew it was inappropriate too.

    I’m not sure why any of the guys would stay around and waste their time after learning she slept with flappy lips Nick. Oh yeah they want to be the bachelor. What they don’t realize is that leaving now would almost guarantee them being the Bachelor. HELLO ANDI!!!!
    Everyone fell in love with her after telling off Juan Pablo, OK…Ok 🙂

    Can’t wait for the season to be over, love your insight

  52. Go Ali go!! Love you girl!!! Couldn’t agree more!!! And for all the Nick haters…she has chemistry with him…HOT chemistry…last time I checked she was an adult woman, as was he…it was consentual….but boy oh boy..how awkward for her family to watch??? oh and as for Shawn….yum to the center of a donut….he can’t leave the show…I look forward to him every week???

  53. Agree, Ali. I look forward to finding out in the months ahead if Kaitlyn told producers in the first few days that Shawn was the one, and that to Nick was brought in (and handsomely compensated) to act as a buffer between Kaitlyn and the guys — a necessary distraction for both the guys and viewers. It would not be the first time the producers have ensured that a production "friend" stood at or near the end with the show "star." I’m reminded that it took several years for FOX TV’s president, Gail Berman, to admit that the supposed "sex audio" between "Joe" and Sarah Kozer was faked by production. This scenario fits what Mike Fleiss has been known for since "High School Reunion" and "The Real Gilligan’s Island."

  54. Good blog Ali! Is it me that wonders why two women are so into Nick? Maybe he needs to be the next Bachelor so he can do the choosing. I feel he might bring in the ratings. People seem to really hate him for some reason. He seems like a normal guy to me. I also don’t see the connection with her and Shawn. I’m not so into his hair doo. Wish he would cut the top or do something different. He is kinda rugged….not really my type. I think I preferred Roberto and Frank for my type as I guess you did, too! You are so cute and I’m glad you found happiness with another cutie! Love your dog pics as well. Best of luck in the future.

  55. Yes this links to a cartoon that perfectly describes when people hide behind the "I’m just being honest". The last couple of panels really describe what I think of Ian’s diatribe. Especially love how he condemns Kaitlyn for testing the waters and the guys for talking about sex then ends with "I just need to have sex" . er ok
    http://geekxgirls.com/article.php?ID=3161

  56. 1st of all, love you Ali.
    2nd poop boy trying to point out Kaitlyn ‘ s lack of class etc pointed out his own in the process as well
    3rd this has been the most disappointing season ever.
    4th Shawn needs to go back on his own and he will find a great girl.

  57. Hear Hear, STOP the slut shaming of Kaitlyn. It’s disgusting to hear women shame other women. Women have rights and freedoms! Let Kaitlyn exercise her right to make decisions that she feels are best for her, and then learn from her decisions if they weren’t the best! That’s her right. She should not be harassed and shamed for doing so!
    Ali, thank you thank you, over and over for explaining Kaitlyn’s situation so well from the point of view of somebody who has been in her shoes before. Yaay strong women!

  58. I love you Ali ever since your season of the bachelorette. I hear you, what I didn’t like about Kaitlin & Nick is that there doesn’t seem to be any respect, first touching & kissing the way the did in the church and then only after two weeks you go & sleep with him without any thoughts about what this will lok like to the other guys, this is live tv she should have more respect.

  59. I have no reason to doubt the claim "that one of the Bachelors had sex with something like 6 of his 25 women" — but do you really think he wouldn’t have been widely criticized (sorry, "slut shamed") had it been revealed on the show? If the public at large doesn’t know about it, how does your alleged double standard come into play?

  60. I could listen to shawns voice all day….he would be an excellent bachelor. Seriously he has to be the hottest, sexiest guy yet on any of the bachelor/bachelorette shows. He seems so sincere too – ugh I’m old enough to be his mom but wow his he hot!!!!!

  61. Ali – First of all, you’re my FAVORITE Bachelorette! Second, I just found your blog and I love it! Lastly, I agree 100% everything you said. Love yaa! Your biggest fan lol

  62. You are hilarious! Can you be the Bachelorette again? I happened to meet Ian the Poop at a reunion in early June. No…not for Princeton. He was just as pompous live as he is on the show. Also, he kept saying he should be the next Bachelor…

  63. This show lost any credibility a long time ago in my opinion. There are only three or four legit couples anyway. Kaitlyn is a grown women she can do what she wants but it does say something when a person or any of you can’t control themselves for the six weeks or however long you are on this show. Intimacy is important but have some respect for yourself too. Are you looking for actual love or a random hookup? Love and lust are two separate things.

  64. The Bachelor who slept with 6 women wasn’t slut shamed because we didn’t see it. Blame the producers and editors for that. I’m sure there would have been backlash had we seen a man doing the same thing.

  65. The difference between Kaitlyn’s decision to sleep with Nick is that she had NO control. It was all laid out on TV with cameras following them around. Even Nick looked shocked. I mean, seriously? It’s not too far from promiscuous behavior. Especially with that regret she felt the next day. I’m reality, Nick would have lost interest since he already got some.

  66. Worst season ever! I used to wait for Monday nights. Now I have like 4 episodes taped and don’t even care to watch them. The whole show has gone way down! Do I think other contestants have had sex on the show? Absolutely! But it’s implied and isn’t broadcast to humiliate people. The Bachelor/Bachelorette has turned into a trash production where nothing is sacred and lives don’t matter.
    Also, is it true that Chris Harrison is now dating a former Bachelorette? Surprised it didn’t happen sooner but still disgusting!

  67. I really think I an just wanted to be on the show so he can have the chance at being the next bachelor. In my opinion, he never had any interest in finding love, he just wants a chance to be surrounded by 25 women during the next season. He’s disgusting. And I love Nick. lol

  68. "I would argue that 95% of the Bachelors and Bachelorette DO have sex on the show." Given that there have been 19 seasons, I think Ali just admitted that she had sex on the show.

  69. I think the word we should be using to describe Kaitlyn is brave. While "95%" of people on the show have slept with their contenders she is the only one that has owned up to it. Everyone else kept it a secret and thus started their relationships with the other suitors by lying. One of the major points everyone makes on the show is being able to trust the other person, Kaitlyn has showed that although she is flawed, she isn’t going to lie to the rest of the guys by denying anything. I find that incredibly brave. Even if it wasn’t on national television for countless of strangers to judge her it would still be brave. While I don’t agree with her actions I still applaud her for being honest and taking responsibility for her decisions. Let’s all stop being so quick to judge and think about the courage it took for her to tell the truth about her and Nick’s relationship.

    1. BRAVE I DOUBT

      If a Bachelor did this exact scenario on TV he would be called a dog, and just looking sex. #feminismisaboutequality

      Next Season Please or maybe a new show on Mondays

  70. Hi Ali, you have very good comments and I understand that you can look at it in Another way though you have been there. So thanks for that. I do agree that you have to kiss more than one person to feel the possibility of feeling etc but i dont Think you have to go sleep with multiple guys. Of course sex is important but i Think in this early start and in this kind of not so normal situation (reality TV-show) you are dating more than one person, its different when you just have one guy, i Think Kaitlyn should have thought about with respect, its hard enough with the kissing, and as you said Ali, not in front so the other guys could see. Good luck with with your new house, man and dog etc, love from a fan from Sweden Stockholm.

  71. Just realized watching this show and watching Unreal, that you are all trash. NO exception. You fuck random people to have a career. You are just glorified whores. Didn’t yo mama tell you not to whore around for a career?

  72. I agree that if it were a man in Kaitlyn’s situation, there would be no shaming. We all know that the bachelor/ettes have sex on the show… but this is the very first time it’s become an ‘issue’. That should tell you something. On another point, you don’t have to have sex with someone to know they are compatible with you on that level – you can tell everything in how they kiss – it’s a no-brainer. And further, sex with someone you’re actually already in love with is very different than sex with someone you ‘like a lot’. One actually has some meaning attached to it, while the other can only be characterized as lust, because love has not had time or the chance to grow yet.

  73. For me it’s not about her having sex on the show; I couldn’t care less. What is most concerning is that she is NOT the girl she was on her last season. I think the real Kaitlyn has stood up. I liked her last season; this season, not so much at all. This may be a reality show. but real people’s feelings are involved. She’s just NOT a class act.

  74. I do not like Kaitlyn, I doubt she will pick anyone. since you are part of the franchise Ali is why you would defend her. that girl is there to party and for fame. which will get her nowhere…….perhaps you would let her be a side writer on your blog.

  75. Does anyone not remember Clair Crawley luring Juan Pablo into the ocean at night during his season? Don’t think they were just "swimming" and he sure didn’t receive any crap about that! Ali’s right 100% on this one!

  76. Stooooop!! It’s not your place to judge! If you don’t like it, don’t watch it. It’s that simple.

  77. I find it amusing that Ian thinks so many women in America would actually want him to be the Bachelor after he showed us his true colors. I am totally #teamshawn.

Shop Ali's Feed

Click an image to shop
@alifedotowsky